I HOLD MY BREATH (2021)
I lived half a life as straight before realizing I was not. Looking back, I quickly recognized how almost everything we learn and see throughout our childhood carry some form of heteronormative code. As I have worked on my personal journey of unpacking these codes and trying to become comfortable with my own queerness, I’ve had countless conversations with friends about their own journey of “coming out”.
The concept of “coming out” is a complicated one, and it is, contrary to popular belief, rarely something you only do only once.
“I thought I had to tell my parents once and then it was done, but I have to keep coming out to every new friend, classmates, or colleague I get, because everyone just assume you are straight until proven otherwise.”
Every time I come out to someone; I hold my breath. I hold my breath because I am afraid old friends will look at me differently, that people I have known my whole life will feel like I have lied to them. I hold my breath because I never know how new friends or strangers will react. I hold my breath because I am afraid I will, in the eyes of others, become queer first – and a daughter, friend, woman, or artist second.
In this project I wanted to document the safety and intimacy of the queer community surrounding me through portraits. I talked with friends about their own, nuanced journey with queerness, and their thoughts on the concept of “coming out”, which, in an ideal world, no one would have to do.
